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NCBST2002
Member
If someone already posted this im sorry...not really

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

so it can be found in the search engine--bacon, coke, farts, anal sex, boobies, and drum and bass.

Think I covered it all
 
FreakLove
Member
miss penis wrinkle turned me onto this site about a month ago.
when im bored at work i just sit on my phone and scroll through all them.
it's fuckin hilarious!!!!!!!!
 
Lolli is a hooker
NCBST2002
Member
Just when you think production cant get any lower....you find another website
 
Human
Member
"M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad."

Big lolz
 
Frankie Bones is the suck you've been looking for
SARA
Moderator
That's what I have Shaina for. Any time I'm a drunken retard she just forwards me everything I sent in the morning. A keyboard on my phone is of no help after about 4 drinks in my case. Haha.
 
pablo814
Premium Member
this site is awesome, my fave sofar:

(202): therell be strippers and coke right?
(703): no strippers. just coke.
(202): i hate this fuckin recession
 
"Honey, I want to do something, we never do anything!" "We are doing something. I'm watching the game and eating a sandwich, and you are making me another sandwich!"
breakz
Member
(408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
(415): be there in 3 mins

he needs one of these.
 
"IN GOD WE TRUST" IS BULLSHIT AND FREEDOM WILL NEVER RING THE DOLLAR BILL IS NOTHING BUT IT TENDS TO RUN OUR LIVES EACH BILL IS JUST A LINK IN THE SHACKLES OF OUR PRIDE
breakz
Member
good for this site---(734): I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
 
"IN GOD WE TRUST" IS BULLSHIT AND FREEDOM WILL NEVER RING THE DOLLAR BILL IS NOTHING BUT IT TENDS TO RUN OUR LIVES EACH BILL IS JUST A LINK IN THE SHACKLES OF OUR PRIDE
breakz
Member
best one. (813): i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
 
"IN GOD WE TRUST" IS BULLSHIT AND FREEDOM WILL NEVER RING THE DOLLAR BILL IS NOTHING BUT IT TENDS TO RUN OUR LIVES EACH BILL IS JUST A LINK IN THE SHACKLES OF OUR PRIDE
PDub
Member
I love this website. Its comforting to know that other people have wacky ass lives and will subject their friends to hearing about it.
 
"Music in the soul can be heard by the universe."
xdnbxbaybeex
Member
(619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
(340): just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
(918): Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance

bahahahahahahhahhahahahaahha thank you for posting this site.  Its keeping me entertained during Pens commercial breaks.  
 
xdnbxbaybeex
Member
Ok fess up, which one of yous was it??

(412): Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.

hahahh only decent one from Pittsburgh I found so far.
 
poptart
Member
636): I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani

bwaaaaaahahahahaha
 
"And if I was a ghost and came back when u smoked me id rape u" -Flatbed
poptart
Member
oh my god, this is fucking great.

this and fmylife are going to be my two time wasters...next to lolli.org
 
"And if I was a ghost and came back when u smoked me id rape u" -Flatbed
poptart
Member
oh my god, this is fucking great.

this and fmylife are going to be my two time wasters...next to lolli.org
 
"And if I was a ghost and came back when u smoked me id rape u" -Flatbed
barrettwillbrb
Member
(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
 
PDub
Member
I save my favorites... I haven't submitted any yet tho. but I share here for now...

(412): the guy sittin in front of me is showin major crack. I miss you. and that should be illegal. the crack I mean.

(412) does 2 yrs younger make me a cougar?
(412-1) no but I'm pretty sure that when you dump this one that his nickname will refer to him being a drunk ass ugly mutherfuckr
(412) this is a very good point
(412-1) riff raff mcgraff then drunk ass-no class. honestly can't wait for the next one.
(412) I'm so glad my failing love life is entertaining to you
(412-1) we're all laughing over here actually, he's that ugly
(412) in my defense, I suspected kinky potential in the beginning

(440) I'm standing in line at kfc as I speak waiting for my free chicken from oprah

(412) I'm tryin to get my friend to come. she's bein a snot
(412-1) stick a ketchup bottle up her ass
(412) I don't have one in reach
(412-1) well you better find one

(412) soooooo touch his penis yet?
(412-1) lolz we're like just talkin and watchin a movie
(412) touch it
(412-1) shhhh I think he saw that

(412) I can't identify the sex of the person I'm talkin to
(412-1) crotch grab will take care of that
(412) if its questionable I'd have to linger
(412-1) aren't you bisexual anyway?
(412) it has a lady gaga shirt, high chances of morphed genitals
(412-1) still probly hotter than the dude you dated last
(412) damn, I hate you so much
 
"Music in the soul can be heard by the universe."
spinfinity
Member
(651): Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.

lolz


so i tried to post something on this site yesterday and it still hasn't shown up...
 
breakz
Member
i found a good one from f my life.--Today, is the day my husband was supposed to come home from a six month tour at sea. I heard the door bell ring. I sprinted to the door expecting to hold my honey bear, instead two uniformed sailors with a folded flag greeted me. I burst into tears. My husband walked up behind me. He laughed. FML

i should have done that to my mother.. she would have prolly disowned me..  they picked me up at the tarmac.. man that was one of the greatest days of my life.. it felt good to be home and safe finally..
 
"IN GOD WE TRUST" IS BULLSHIT AND FREEDOM WILL NEVER RING THE DOLLAR BILL IS NOTHING BUT IT TENDS TO RUN OUR LIVES EACH BILL IS JUST A LINK IN THE SHACKLES OF OUR PRIDE
SARA
Moderator
Post from poptart636): I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani

bwaaaaaahahahahaha
hey rich! ^THIS
 
SARA
Moderator

(301): When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
(301): New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey


these people are obviously on K
 
SARA
Moderator
(206): She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.



dear lord BAD NIGHT! hahaha
 
SARA
Moderator
(734): I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
 
satan
Member
Post from SARA
(206): She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.



dear lord BAD NIGHT! hahaha
"She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone."

that almost kind of suggest's a reverse donkey punch..
damn.
 
  1. Raves, the one place ugly emo's girls go to feel hot,
  2. Dubstep: helping douchebags get laid since 03
  3. Only hipster trash listen to electro house!
  4. You don't have to dress like a slut to look sexy
www.FrankieBonesSucks.org
SARA
Moderator
(805): Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!


long, but hilarious
 
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